Who told you to think that way?

If you can site this source — please let me know in the comments and I will amend this post.

Yesterday I was either scrolling or skimming and something caught my eye. The author ‘asked you: “Have you ever received a text from a friend and took it one way, and later found out that wasn’t the senders intent?” Meaning, your friend wasn’t trying to dismiss you, but you read the content through a filter and thought they intended to hurt your feelings, say the wrong thing, discount your perspective et cetra, et cetra. They explained that when you begin to interpret something with an “I’m sure this s going South” type of reaction, pause and ask yourself:

Who told you that?

It’s a brain interrupter.

It alerts you you are creating a story from a pattern and not the moment.

Now — of course — when were in a clear situation we don’t need this. We are talking about when we write the story of hurt through assumption and - more often than naught - we don’t know we are doing it. The subconscious is a wily thing, an unreliable friend, so when we assume, well, you remember how that ditty goes.

Text and email are a heavily used form of communication, but unlike a phone call or in person conversation, there is very little subtlety or nuance of tone (emojis do not always cover it, people) and no context of body language for either of you.

So, before you text back in a frustration, ask yourself: “Who told you that?” If you cannot trace it, the source could be a story in your head that will create unnecessary heartbreak for both you and the receiver.

If you want to take another turn of the spiral, when you are having a bad day and the tape of “This will never work out” comes through, ask yourself “Who told you that"?” and let the answers come.

For more ways to sit and unravel the stories that aren’t true, or to learn more ways to become better friends with yourself, join our community newsletter here.

xo,

Kate